• It’s not uncommon to experience cramping and/or bleeding after an abortion. Offer your loved one a heating pad or hot water bottle to relieve cramping. It is helpful to stock up on menstrual pads, over-the-counter pain relief such as Tylenol (acetaminophen) or Motrin (ibuprofen), and some of your loved one’s favorite comfort foods to ease the recovery process. 

• Lend an extra hand while your loved one is healing (with their permission, of course). Offer to run errands for them, shop for groceries, watch their kids, or walk the dog. Prepare comforting meals, keep the space tidy, and remember: a set of clean sheets can go a long way!

• Some people are comforted by the physical presence of a support person while they heal. You might offer to sit with your loved one, gently rub their back, or hug them, with their consent. 

• Active listening, also called empathetic listening, is a tool that you can use to help your loved one feel heard, understood, and accepted after their abortion. Express interest in hearing your loved one’s feelings about their abortion. Listen without interrupting or contradicting them. Attempt to refrain from judgement and maintain positive regard for your loved one. 

• Respect boundaries. If your loved one does not want to talk about their abortion, respect that choice and do not push them. Make sure that they know you are ready to listen if they change their mind. There are resources below where you can refer them if they want to talk to other people that have had abortions.

• Remember: there is no right or wrong way to feel after an abortion. Some people feel sadness, guilt, or anger. Some people feel overjoyed, relieved, or energized. Most people feel a combination of some or all of these feelings, and none of these feelings are wrong. You can affirm your loved one by telling them that their feelings are normal, and that you care about them no matter how they are feeling.

• There is extra stigma that is unique to later abortion care. Your loved one might express feelings of guilt or shame. It can be helpful to reassure your loved one that they made the best decision they could in the moment, and that you love and care about them. Reassure them that there is no need for guilt or shame. 

• Below are examples of phrases that help your loved one feel heard and understood after their abortion. These are not a “one size fits all” set of expressions; remember, the most important part of active listening is to listen and respond based on what your loved one shares with you.

  • “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

  • “I can see this is difficult for you to talk about. Thank you for trusting me.”

  • “I am here for you.”

  • “It’s ok to feel [sad, frustrated, numb, angry]. You made the best decision you could with the information you had.” 

  • “Is there anything I can do for you to make you feel more [comfortable, safe, calm, cared for]?”

  • “I love you.” 

  • “You are a good person. I know you made the best decision for [yourself, your family] even though it was difficult.” 

• Respect your loved one’s privacy. Your loved one may not want other people to know about their abortion. This could be because they are afraid of judgement, concerned about legal consequences, or just because they want to keep their experience to themselves. Whatever the reason, respect your loved one’s privacy, and show that they can trust you with their experience.

• It is normal for grief and other feelings to resurface at unexpected times, even many months or years after the abortion. It is appropriate to gently check in with your loved one, especially if you notice that they seem to be struggling with difficult emotions. Remind them that you are there for them. Remember to respect their boundaries, and do not push a person who does not want to share. 

Perhaps you are involved in this pregnancy, or you have strong feelings about this pregnancy. Your feelings are also valid, and you deserve support. However, it is important to remember that this is ultimately your loved one’s experience and decision. Being a good support person means prioritizing your loved one’s needs during this moment. Consider processing your own feelings with a therapist, trusted friend, or support group, so you can be fully present and supportive.

If you are the parent or guardian of a young patient, we recommend that you learn as much as you are comfortable learning about the procedure ahead of time (i.e. read this guide!). We know that it can feel overwhelming for you to see your child getting care related to pregnancy, and that there is a strong impulse to protect them. 

Abortion is common. There are so many young people who have abortions and then live lives that they love. Common feedback we hear from young patients is how their parents or caregivers’ support – or lack of support – greatly impacted their ability to heal and move on. You may have a desire to “teach them a lesson” in some way but please trust us, this is not the time.

We encourage you to talk with your child about what they’re feeling. We know that sometimes as their protector, you may feel like abortion is the only pursuable option for them. It makes a big difference to young people to feel like they have been listened to. If you would like help processing possible options, we recommend calling the All-Options Talkline.

Honestly we couldn’t say it better than this parent of a 15-yr-old patient who was cared for at a later abortion clinic:

“I truly believe that keeping the lines of communication open with your child is essential, especially in moments like this. When your child feels safe coming to you without fear or judgment, it creates the space for difficult decisions, even about something as serious as an abortion, to be approached calmly and thoughtfully.

It’s important to remind your child that they can talk to you about anything. When they know honesty will never lead to shame or punishment, they are far more likely to reach out early. In situations like this, reaching out early truly matters.

You don’t need to have all the answers. What matters most is that your child feels seen, supported, and heard. Your calm and steady presence can transform a frightening moment into one that feels manageable.

I also wanted to share a quote that really speaks to me and reflects something I believe deeply

‘If I make it safe for my child to speak, even about the hardest choices, they will always come to me first.’”